My goodness, how things have changed.... It's nearly three in the morning, mid-November in the interesting year of 2009, and I'm feeling nostalgic. Recent events have made me consider all the changing I've done since graduating high school, and I'm rather amused by where I've come to be. I had a lot of friends in high school, and it's funny how sometimes people stick with those friends through thick and thin, for the rest of their lives.... I think there are enough, perhaps, to count on one hand, that I still speak with. I still have enough fingers left over to flip the rest of them off....

But no, I'm not feeling bitter. I'm feeling incredibly lucky. An ex-everything of mine sent me a letter a while back that was intended to break me--foolish thing that she was, it rather backfired on her. (She should probably do more research before saying what she said, but no matter--I imagine the narcissism rather got in the way of that research.) I thought of all of this because I recently found that her nightmares, which plagued her since our friendship, have gotten worse. I spent some time wondering if I should offer some genuine help, or if I should taunt her and rag on her for the fine Jungian mess she's gotten herself into....

And then I realized...I didn't have to. I was under no obligation to help her sort her subconscious out, and it was in no way a good idea to poke fun at her for what scares her. I'm feeling rather content, somewhat pitying, and faintly of the mindset that I'm pleased to not be part of that life anymore.

I love who I've become, and the community into which I've grown. My friends now are infinitely healthier than my friends down in high school were.... This is my new family. I would stay with them for the rest of my life. I want to raise their children with them, laugh at them when I hear them having sex, and make weird faces when they serve me strange food. I'm so proud of them for being better people than the ones I used to know, and I'm proud of myself for finding them.

High school brought financial insecurities, self confidence issues, and developing sociopathy--now, in college, insecurities are opened up, talked about, and laid to peaceful rest. Self confidence is sculpted, improved, and made beautiful. Sociopaths are left in the dust. We don't want any of that.

I'm discovering that I love my skin. I'm discovering that other people love my skin too, whatever shape it's in. I'm discovering that I have power over people, and influence.

I'm discovering that I want to run a small business with my friends. I want to explore my sexuality until I'm too old to play without breaking a hip. I want to push the world to change.

I'm not going to let someone else tell me what gender I am. I'm not going to let someone else stand in front of me and try to break me. I'm not going to feel bad about my background, just to make someone unstable feel better. I'm not going to let someone else's finances ruin my day.

I will never again let someone break me so utterly that I cannot be fixed.

I will always seek to be as giving as I can, within my means, and I will never let nervous people convince me I'm acting on pride.

I really wanted to thank the Universe at large for making me loved, fed, sheltered, and warm. To my new friends, and to the good memories with my old friends, and to good riddance of the nasty ones.

To my future, and to yours. <3